im ranting again.


because im feeling so damn down u know ?
boyf problems again.


i seriously got no idea why all these would happen.
people whom i not close with, will say tat we're very sweet and loving.
but, those who knows me well. knew that im giving up already.
i seriously cant get along well with him at times.
theres time when i feels that he is annoying, but theres also times when i miss him and love him to the max.
we are people with TOTALLY DIFFERENT characters
his point of view are totally different from mine.
he is too mature.
he always thinks for the future .
i got totally turn off when he talks about politics to me.
but somehow, i told myself to be patient with him cause we are from different worlds.


my world , 
a world of friends, 
shopping and hanging around with all my lovely friends.
minimise stress too the minimum.
think of the positive side.
do whatever i want


his world ,
a world of his own.
working and thinking of the future.
always giving himself alot of stress
always think negatively.


compare , we are totally different
at times, he would ask me '' do u know how sg will be without lee kuan yew ?''
thn he talks about economy etc etc. when i just answer '' dont know ''
he will be like '' how come u everything dunno , u are a singaporean leh, u know its a disgrace ?''
come on man ! im only 17 u know ?
u go ask around, how manyn out of 10 actually knew all these ?
we're not born in the time of world war 2 u knw ?
he loves to ask random questions that is impossible, and yet he wanted an answer.
when my answer doesnt satisfy him, 
the quarrel starts.


we quarrel countless times,
because of many reason.
one reason is, 
culture difference.
in his culture, ppl that doesnt go home or go home late arent good thing.
ppl that did nothing the whole day is useless.
ppl who think in the simple way is stupid.
he thinks that ppl should work hard for the future.....


in my culture,
we go home late or doesnt go home is because we enjoy hanging around with friends.
we did nothing the whole days is because after much stressful life, its time for us to relax and nua at home.
we think simple is because we doesnt want to stress ourselves.
we play hard because we wanted to enjoy.


after all , we're still considered as a teenager.
we play, and play and play.
just that we doesnt create troubles is good enough.


until here, all i can say is, still the same. we are totally different !
another most hurtful things is ,
HE COMPARES ME WITH HIS EX .
wtf right ?
whn i did not show much care for him, he will tell me all the things his gf did for him in the past.
he compare this and that.
to him, he say he wanted me to be btr.
to me , all i thinks is because he still love his ex.
sometimes i really feels like giving up on this relationship.
he says until its like he show super much care and concern.
whn i tell him im not feeling well, he said '' go home take panadol and slp early''
u call this concern ?
this is the most basic thing that everyone will say !
what are my concern to him ?
im always asking him to slp early . u cant blame me for that u know ? its because his days are pretty much the same. he works whole day. what can i do ? 
to me, work whole day must be feeling tired.
so i asked him to slp early.
but now, he turn around telling me i only knows how to ask him slp early and nothing much.


ask u ppl , what will u do if u happens to call someone in the middle of the night and the person is slping ?
most ppl will just say '' im sry, text me whn u're awake thn i'll call u.''
but he is different !
he continues with his conversation.
wth is this ?


example like just now,
i was happily trying to choose what to wear tml because its his birthday.
until he called.
he said he always call his gf whn he is feeling down, hoping to feel btr.
but, as his temper is so bad, i have grew this habit which is, i talk lesser , so i wont accidently stepped on the mine.
at times whn he is down, 
i tired my best to cheer him up, i told him nt to think that much. 
but, he says im too naive.
i take everything very simple.
thn we will started quarreling.


just now he says when he is with his ex, he feels like they are a family.
they wont have to say much thn they will know wad ones need.
but he say, he feels tat he got nothing much to say to me.
of course la !
he keep things to himself.
when i found out,
i asked him why he didnt tell me, then he'll say '' theres not a need ''
like wtf ? u didnt tell me ur things, yet u expect me to know .
but of course at that point of time, sadness is more than anger la
i was on the verge of tearing actually.
i told him off, and asked him why not he just go back to his ex. he says both of them know that no matter how much they love each other, they knew they arent meant to be tgt, thats why the broke up.


and i told him, his heart is all filled with his ex, nt me, he doesnt love me at all.
he said '' if i dont love u, u be my gf for what ..''
i didnt know what to say....
i didnt even have the mood to go out with him tml.
FML seriously 




i dont think he can compare me with his ex like that lor.
im still young.
i still have my parents around.
i still have to listen to thm.
there are restrictions.
unlike her,
she's much older than me.
she has freedom
she can do what she wants


i seriously wanna give up already.
theres reasons that made me holding back.
i'll let go once things is still the same and when i had enough courage.


before him, i seldom quarrel with my ex.
when i was with zw, in 3 months, i think we only quarrel once.
but currently, im like quarreling with boyf for at least twice aweek.
the most, thrice in a WEEK !
its really weird.
i shall stop ranting already.
actually all i rant is all his bad things.
he can be really sweet at times.


and, i realised i always fall for someone because of fate.
theres this person, i feels that he is a very special person to me.
just like what i say in the previous post.
he is always there for me when im sad.
theres some feeling between us that is unexplainable.
he knew when im sad.
weird uh ?
he is the one that i always have feeling for.
although i knew we wont be tgt...
we only can be the closest fren.
that day,
tat very day, i bumped to him whn i was on the way to work.
the moment i saw him, i felt like .... i dont know how to say.
but yah !
its just like that. things happen very weirdly.


i shall head to bed already.
goodnight ppl ~